i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
