he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
