She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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