I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
