Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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