just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
