You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
