also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
