Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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