dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
