no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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