someone get that fucking seahorse.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
What drink are we having for lunch?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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