My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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