Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
