if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize