and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
There are leaves in my underwear?
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