Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
you would pick up someone in the library
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
