dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
