it's too hot outside to masturbate.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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