I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
