You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
