the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
