and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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