I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
