I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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