9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
