Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
