worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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