you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
