Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Randomize
