She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
