I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
