Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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