SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
