peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
