i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Randomize
