I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
