I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
is wine microwaveable?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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