Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize