Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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