shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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