cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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