Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
