You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
