there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
