it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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