He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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