i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
