Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
