final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Randomize
