The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
