I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
