I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
