3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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