You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
