I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
