peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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