I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Randomize
