5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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