just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I have fence marks all over my body
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
