i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
