You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
