Swine flu. Run for my life!
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize