Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
