I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
