eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i just sent this text using only my big toe
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Randomize
