4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
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