i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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