so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize