shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I accidentally had phone sex last night
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
