just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize