If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
