Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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