I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize