Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
