I can tuck mytits in my pants
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Randomize
