you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
