I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
