Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
