My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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