1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Will exercising make me less horny?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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