Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
