..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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