I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
