well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
