They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
