After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
