____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
