Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
