Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
