My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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