So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
