Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
