I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
