Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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