I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
